mini-review: Metal Slug

This is the first article in (what I hope will be) a series of short reviews of video games I have played extensively. Unlike big magazines, I will not be going in depth or have any fanboy attitude, but unlike some online reviewers (like Angry Videogame Nerd) I am not simply going to shred every game I come into contact with.

Today's review: Metal Slug for the Neo Geo

First, before I begin I must say that Metal Slug was the first arcade game which really grabbed my attention, and subsequently a large amount of my quarters. It's really the game that changed the way I looked at games, and forged my subsequent interest in video games. So this review might be a little bit biased.

Alright, first to begin with the stuff I don't like about this game. First, it has a complete and utter lack of story line. Yeah, there are some fan websites that try to tack a story on, but the game itself has no story, except that an evil guy named General Morden is evil, and therefore you must kill him and all his minions. Typical video game plot, really. Oh, and General Morden really looks alot like Saddam Hussein. Really.

Secondly, some of the sound effects can get a bit repedetive. Many of the enemies have one and only one sound they make when they die, depending on how you kill them. So sometimes you can mow down a large crowd of enemy soldiers and hear the same death screams being played about 10 times a second. I don't mind this too much, but some people really dislike it, especially if they are only listening to the game and not playing it.

Alright, enough already. This game rocks. The lack of story isn't a problem at all, and the sound effects are negligible compared to all the rest this game has to offer. I will enumerate the best points of this game in no particular order:

1. You spend the entire game killing anything and everything that moves.
2. You accomplish #1 with an arsenal of the most destructive weapons you have ever seen.
3. You can drive a tank, which not only has huge guns but can also crush nearly anything.
4. You singlehandedly destroy hundreds of enemy soldiers, toast dozens of armored vehicles, demolish giant war engines, and rescue loads of hostages- on every single level.
5. There are six of said levels- not too long, not too short.
6. Even if you are a bad player it's still a ton of fun. If you are a good player it's even more fun.
7. Unlike your average RTS or RPG, you do not have to spend hours playing in order to have fun at this game. But you could play for hours if you wanted to...
8. The graphics rock, the music rocks, the level design rocks, and it even has sequels that rock!

And last but not least, this game has nearly infinite replay value. Yes, you can see it all in 30 minutes or less. Or can you?? I dare you to find every secret by yourself, even on the 5th play through. And once you know where everything is, can you beat the game without dieing even once? I eventually managed to accomplish this feat, and have yet to repeat it. Because the game is only designed to be played in 10-30 minute intervals you can just pick it up again and again, whenever the need for some non-stop wanton destruction strikes your fancy.

Finally, the #1 reason why I like this game: it's a heck of a lot of fun with friends. After all, if killing an evil dictator and his army of henchmen is so much fun, think how much fun it is to bring a friend along for the ride! So what are you waiting for? Find this game, and get your daily recommended dose of destruction and insanity today!

Ubuntu 8.04

Yes, before you ask, this is in fact a shameless plug for a truly great operating system.
As a Neo Retrotech Nerd, I do place a fair amount of emphasis on the NEO part. I, in fact, cannot live my life entirely in the 8-bit computing realm. I wish I could. I can't. You see, I am a university student, and at universities they make you use modern computer software for all your classes in an attempt to make you "computer competent." Yeah, sedate me again, because I'm having a hard time believing that learning how to use M$Office makes me "competent."

So, in an effort to keep from failing some of my key classes here, I keep a "modern" computer around so that I don't have to fight with the academia. But I won't. Will not. Do not. Did not. And never will use ANY Micro$oft products produced later than 1988 of any kind, at any time, in any way, on anyone's machine. So I use Ubuntu. I'm no guru-master of computers, but I know enough about Microsoft's diabolically ingenious "embrace, extend, exterminate" methodology to know that I cannot use their software. And I also don't have the know how to compile things by myself. So Ubuntu fits the bill. The new 8.04 is what a modern OS ought to be- easy to use, easy to set up, and free.

You see, it's alot like the way it used to be- easy to use, easy to set up, and free. The OS was part of the machine, not a license-encumbered monstrosity. There were no EULAs requiring you to sell your soul. And of course, software was one of those things where it was treated as individual property, not as a "licensed media." You know, that disk for your Apple II? Well, it was YOURS. And what was on it was YOURS. Even if you bought it from someone else. It just was your own property, to do with as you pleased. Period. Open Source is currently the only way to keep doing things this way. Of course, just like the guy who would give you some Apple II software on disk, the guys who make Open Source deserve a little dough too. So donate to projects like these. They support the kind of computing you love, and it takes that much money away from Micro$oft, which if they could take it they would, even if it's only $5.

Music creation- release the muscial nerd in you

Yes, I am a nerd. Yes, I like music. And I'm a programmer. Mix them together and you get a perfectly understandable desire to make your own music.

But not just any music. I like electronic sounds, especially old-school sounds. So what's a guy to do? I have never been a Commodore owner, and I don't use Windoze. (you didn't get that yet?)

So what kind of music software do I use? Only the best Linux software of course. I use the ever-awesome Audacity to make my samples and Aldrin for the rest. Aldrin is the coolest music making software to hit any machine in a long time. It was originally designed to be a clone of the now-dead Windows based tracker called Buzz, but has evolved into something much much better.

It incorporates some tracker-like interface, but also has a very object oriented and easy to use "machine" interface. It also is extremely efficient. I have yet to push it beyond 6% of my CPU. And it comes with a huge load of plugins and a special library-style direct interface to the FreeSound project for hunting down those special, one of a kind samples you need.

I suggest that any self respecting electronic music buff go out and get himself a copy. If you have ever used ReNoise of Fruity Loops you also have to try Aldrin- once you take the plunge you'll wonder why other programs didn't do the same thing Aldrin does.

Oh, and to prove that Aldrin is not just a useless geek toy, check out the music it's maker made. His name is Paniq. His latest album, Story of Ohm, used Aldrin exclusively. It rocks. Period.

End of Rant.

feeling "brown?" retrocomputing is green!

Well, it's that day of the year again. The one where all the environmentalists come forth to commune with nature and promote measures to stop "global warming." Personally, no offence to anyone out there, I have some problems with the whole global warming thing; but enough of arguing. I do have one thing to say in support of the environmentalists:

What is with throwing away all the electronics?

I will wholeheartedly agree with the environmentalists on this one- why do people throw electronics away? They don't decompose easily, and I'll be the first one to admit that. They also frequently contain chemicals which really should not be placed in the environment. Not that a single computer by itself has enough toxic materials to kill really anything, but if you dump a million of them in one place to rot that's a problem. All electronics contain lead- the solder used to make electrical connections has to have lead in it. Even the ROHS (restriction of hazardous substances) solder has some lead in it. If it didn't have lead it would not work. Also the chips, by the very nature of their construction, contain some hazardous materials. LCD screens and CRT's both contain chemicals which really are not too healthy if you get a big enough dose. And like any machine, the whole unit has lubricants on the moving parts and heat sinc compound is also not a human-friendly food either, so to speak.

Now for the shameless plug- retrocomputing at least partly solves this issue. Why would you throw away a machine which could still be used just because it's old? Seriously. If I didn't like my machines so much I'd paint one of them green and put it on display today. Retrocomputing is recycling of computers- not breaking them down into little pieces to be thrown away or made into Tupperware or something, but actually using them for something good.

So, if all your chic friends are pretty green today and you are feeling "brown," then maybe it's time to realize that by avoiding the throw-your-old-electronics-away mentality you are actually doing the environment a favor.

The care and feeding of your retro hardware

If you are the owner of a retro computer your machine will thank you for reading this.

Well, as we al know, the bane of retro computing is precisely that the computers are, well, old. And we all know that when equipment gets old it gets broken. It's a sad fact, but it happens. If you are a neophyte to the world of retro computing you need to know how to take care of these machines in order to keep them running. Don't worry, it's not really hard to do the normal maintenance chores these machines require. Also, these tips should work well for other somewhat newer computers which might be considered obsolete but which you might want to take care of and get them running again.

1. Do your homework: If you don't know how to use your machine, or you haven't used it in a long time and you don't remember then it's time to find the manuals. If you have them still, that is. If you don't you can usually find PDF files of all the original documentation online in various places. Also, while you're at it, you should check and see if there are other people who use machines like yours so that if you ever need help you can get some. For my Tandy I visit the Club 100 website, which is filled with programs, info, and helpful people.

2. Look under the hood (carefully): Just like a used car, looking inside will reveal if anything obviously need attention. However if you don't feel comfortable doing this then find a friend who knows what he's doing. In either case, make sure you have yourself grounded before touching the insides of the computer, because static electricity kills computers. Even a static shock you can't see or feel can carry enough charge to kill your machine.

While you have the hood open look for the following obvious things that should be looked into:

• loose parts or screws
• anything obviously broken
• corrosion
• black "scorch" marks around chips or heat sinks
• missing pieces
  

If anything is seriously broken you'll need to find some parts, so that's why you found some friends online to help you right? Also, before you close it back up make sure and dust it out. Yes, dust seems harmless enough but it can clog drive and fans and clings to chips and PCBs and makes them overheat. My first "dead" computer was actually just too dusty to run without overheating. I cleaned out he dust and it magically came back to life!

3. Clean the Computer: This should again be fairly obvious, clean the computer on the outside too. A clean computer is much nicer and more fun to use than a grimy one, and you have less chance of something failing because dirt got inside. Key places to clean are around switches, the keyboard, disk drives (read up before attempting so you don't break anything) and if your computer has batteries, in the battery compartment. (to remove any corrosion) If your computer has a cartridge slot you should clean that out too. I have a special method for that which I will detail in a later post. (it's also useful for old video game systems)

4. Check the components: This one is very important. Make sure that nothing is broken or about to fail. Key culprits are power supplies, worn disk drives, and boards with older electrolytic capacitors. CRT's also sometimes need a tune-up to replace bad capacitors. You can find parts for most older machines without too much trouble, but "cap kits" for CRT's can be hard to find. I would suggest looking in places where arcade machines are repaired, as you can usually find someone who knows what he is doing and can look at your monitor and get you the right kind of replacement capacitors. When looking for parts, eBay is your friend. Alot of seller "gut" old hardware and just sell the parts, which makes your life easy. Finally, if you really care about having your computer in good shape and you can't find parts, don't be afraid to get another one to gut for parts. Usually you can find one in somewhat rougher shape without any accessories cheaply enough to warrant using it for spares.

5. Get the right software: This can make all the difference with retro computing. If you have good software a computer can be very enjoyable. The internet is full of new software for old computers. If you don't believe me just look for yourself. Games are usually very popular choices for old computers. Many old machines can be modified to do some rudimentary online tasks, and usually people develop ways to transfer data between the old computer and new ones. The worst thing you can do to your old computer is never use it once you've fixed it up because it doesn't do anything useful or fun.

Well, you read all the way through my long-winded article! Good for you! Now get off your rear and have some fun with your old computer!

About the Neo...

Well, for those who don't know their linguistics too good, "neo" is Greek for new. Basically the reason I am the Neo Retrotech Nerd is that I am not from the Retro-computing era. My first computer (Apple IIe) was older than I was. My current retro computer (Tandy 102) is older than I am too.

OK, here is what I am coming to- This whole retro technology thing is not nostalgia for me. I am devoted to this stuff because of something else entirely. It comes down to three big things:

1- aesthetics. The retro technology and hardware has an appeal to it. It has character, something from another era. Modern technology is all so much the same; case mods aren't new anymore- everyone has a window and blue lights on his computer now. Laptops all look the same, no innovation there. Cell phones? Don't even get me started, abysmal design, they are all so much alike it's scary. No really, I really don't need another piece of closed-source contract-controlled crap that looks like a piece of candy and poisons my conscience. Seriously, what happened to building your hardware unique? There was only one ZX Spectum. There was only one Atari 2600. There was only one Tandy "Model T. "

2- simplicity. Another gripe of mine- why does everything have to do everything? Seriously Apple (yes, APPLE, I used to love you, not any more!!) why does your newest and greatest iThing have to do everything?!? No, I do not need a device which can check email, browse the web, play music, show maps, get fax, phone, and text messages, take pictures, show pictures, play games, comb my hair, and give me a manicure. Of course, Microsoft, copycats that they are, had to go and do the same thing with their ZUNE. But Microsoft has always led the way in making things more complex than they have to be. Who gave them permission to re-invent the wheel every single time they make a new product? Make a device which does one thing- ONE THING, and make it do it's job well. Atari- the 2600 plays games. Tandy- the 102 does documents. Amiga- their whole series consists of multimedia powerhouses. Newton- it's a notepad. CD player- self explanatory. Remember the rule of complexity- the more complex it is the more likely it is to break. Microsoft would do well to learn this before they make another big mistake like Vista.

3. freedom of information. This is the big one. What good is your technology if it's all locked up? Yeah, those new computers look cool alright, and they can do some cool things. But what if I want to change something? Nope, no source code, not even a GUI configuration for most things. I want to make my own program to work with the hardware? No, you'll need to get around our API, or just use another OS, too bad. I want to find out how something ticks? No way Jose, that's our intellectual property! You dare to suggest looking at how it works!? Seriously folks, does Ford seal their car hoods closed so you can't look at the insides? Do they? I want to know what's going on inside, so if anything breaks I might be able to fix it myself. Besides, no sensible car owner gets a car without a basic understanding of what it's doing. You need to know things like changing the oil, changing tires, changing belts, checking for signs of wear, and other things. My computer gets used more than I would ever use a car, and I put alot of very important things on it- I need to know these things. Linux and the other open source OS's are the closest you can get to this nowadays, but back in the day you got all this and then some up front in the manuals. If you wanted they'd even show you such things as memory mappings, the API, reserved system calls, even, *gasp*, the source for the BIOS and the OS!

So yeah, my passion has nothing to do with nostalgia. It's just that I'm picky, and they don't make 'em like they used to.